“Why does her rooster crow so late in the morning?”

An innocent question like this could elicit several reactions. One might actually know the answer and respond accordingly. One might call a friend with chickens and inquire about their habits. One might even consult a reference book on the interaction between chickens and their environment.

Or, if you’re the man of the household, you’ll probably just invent a plausible answer to keep up appearances.

We don’t want anyone to know we don’t know something, so year after year we keep making things up. What would the kids think if Dad didn’t know the answer to something? It would shake their universe, making them think there are no certainties in life. What would a wife think if her husband admitted ignorance? No doubt she’d think that he finally came to his senses but no man would ever give her that satisfaction.

The rooster query was prompted by a new neighbor who has chickens. The rooster has been crowing each day at 10 a.m., about three hours after sunrise. Several possible answers fleetingly crossed my mind but they didn’t seem plausible: The rooster was up drinking all night and just woke up; the rooster’s alarm clock was broken; the rooster was a teenager just being rebellious.

Finally, I hit on it, just as the interrogator was beginning to wonder if I was slipping. Well, it was obvious why the rooster was crowing so late: It was a Hawaiian chicken who had moved to Whidbey Island.

Patiently I explained that a rooster has an inner clock that doesn’t change with its location. After all, for thousands of years chickens never roamed far from home. In the age of jets, they simply haven’t had time to adopt to other time zones.

Obviously, the new woman in the neighborhood found her chickens on the Internet. The rooster was flown here from Hawaii and thought with all his soul that 10 a.m. was 7 a.m. because we’re three hours ahead of the time he’s accustomed to chortling.

Elaborating on the answer, I added that if the woman ever searches the Internet and finds a good deal on a chicken on the other side of the International Date Line, she’ll be in luck. A rooster from Auckland, New Zealand, for example, will never crow today if he’s brought to Whidbey Island. He will only crow tomorrow because they’re so far ahead of us in time. So whenever you hear a New Zealand rooster crowing on Whidbey you know it’s already tomorrow which means there’s no need to get out of bed and go to work because today’s already gone. This rooster could be worth millions.

My answer sent the interrogator away slightly confused but apparently satisfied. And it left me wondering how long men who don’t want people to think they’re ignorant have simply been making up answers to difficult questions. The amazing thing is that anyone believes them.