Where were you last Sunday morning, around 10 a.m?

According to the Barna Research Group, a nationally-recognized marketing research company that regularly polls people across the nation about their morals and beliefs, those most likely to engage in a weekly church service are adults 50 and older, African-American, married, and living in the south, southwestern, mountain and midwestern states. On Sundays the majority of these folks are sitting together in church sanctuaries and Sunday school rooms. That is because Sunday is an undisputed church day for so many, mixing various forms of worshiping, serving, learning and socializing. In fact, generations of families have been donning robes to sing in the choir, preparing Sunday Bible lessons, drinking coffee with friends in church courtyards and going to brunch with friends because they view these activities are essential and meaningful.

Not so in all parts of the country or for all people. Here in the Pacific Northwest, for example, the percentage of us who attend church on a regular basis is far smaller than in the Bible Belt. Some academics claim our social-regional response can be traced to the pioneering spirit that filled the hearts of the settlers. Clear back in the 1800s, pioneers longed for rugged peaks and blue oceans, natural resources to contribute to their personal riches, and adventures different than those they could garner from the plains of Middle America. They resisted classical social mores and handed down those attitudes, generation to generation.

I enjoy this kind of debate. It reminds me of the discussion groups I participated in during my college days when we wondered aloud about Society’s responses to the Women’s Movement, the Vietnam War and the Watergate break-ins. But rather than focusing on the causes and social consequences here, I would like to point out the fact that God created us to be social beings. This comes as bad news to the lone rangers out there who like to do their own thing, have no patience for the idiosyncrasies of others, and do not like to be challenged by opinions other than their own. But God’s ways are good and can be trusted, even if they are not a quick and easy fit. He designed us this way for good reason: group participation, social connections, and “fellowship” (a term used most often by Christians when referring to activities like Bible studies and potlucks and men’s prayer breakfasts) will always bring us closer to each other and to God Himself.

So what is it that goes on in a healthy fellowship? What things do people hope to experience when uniting in a church worship setting? Or to expand our visions just a bit, what do people hope to gain by serving their community through service club membership? Or teaming to run a local water system? Or creating a fly fishing club? Or organizing a cookie baking drive so servicemen and women will bite into a taste of home sometime during this upcoming holiday season? Or meeting with others in a self-help group?

I am aware of nine gifts. The first is mercy: the gift of forgiveness. It happens when someone makes a mistake, hurts another unintentionally (or maybe intentionally) and receives in response understanding, helpful advice and offers of resolution — when in the natural order of things they deserve punishment. When you look into the eyes of God you see mercy and group interaction gives you plenty of opportunities to practice immediate forgiveness. Trust and accountability lap at the heals of this issue, but for the sake of simplicity here, group interaction presents you with the invaluable gifts of mercy and forgiveness.

The second gift is authenticity: The honest, bare bones sharing of one’s life. This occurs when people learn to count on an atmosphere of trust and get real with each other. And perhaps one of the most surprising results of authenticity is this: intimacy grows when honesty is expressed out in the open, there in the light. We think we can only be intimate in the dark, but in isolation and darkness we hide our hurts, failures and fears. When we are authentic we grow and our worlds brighten.

The third gift is mutuality: effectively giving and receiving. Mutuality involves interdependence, even caring about issues that may be of little or no concern to you but of major consequence to others. It also involves trusting others enough and letting down your own guard long enough to let others care for you, serve you, and ask you to consider other ideas and solutions you may not have reasoned on your own. It does not mean taking on the full responsibility of someone else. It does mean learning how to care for people using your own talents and skills.

There are six more benefits to linking your life with others on a regular basis. We’ll leave those wisdoms for next week. For now, step away from isolation and over to people who care. There is a world full of them.

Freelance writer Joan Bay Klope’s e-mail address is

jbklope@hotmail.com