Gary Wray insists on open debate. “We need to hear both sides,” he says. “Or how do you know you’re doing the right thing?”

Wray is no extremist. He’s a guy who listens before he speaks. It shows in his open mind about politics. But that doesn’t mean he’s OK with a candidate getting a walkover in an election.

“I just don’t like seeing anyone running unopposed,” he says. “I try to understand the other side.” So Wray has been known to file for election just to get opposing candidates to tell voters what they stand for.

Last November, Wray faced Dave Paul for his District Ten House seat, and Paul beat him handily. Still, more than 41,000 voters punched their tickets for Wray, and Paul had to earn his win instead of coasting to a fourth term.

“Dave is a good guy,” Wray says today. “I like Dave. And I’m glad he was able to vocalize what’s important to him.”

Those aren’t common words from a defeated candidate. Not in today’s polarized, insult-infested political landscape. But with these two candidates, the respect goes both ways.

“Gary has been very engaged,” says Dave Paul, “especially in terms of expanding housing affordability. While we may disagree on individual policies, we’ve always been able to talk honestly about issues—and their impact on our community. Because our interactions were always positive, our professional relationship and friendship are stronger today.”

To Wray, it’s not a big deal to openly respect an opponent. It comes from a deep and meaningful place.

“I’m a product of my dad,” he says.

Wray cut his political teeth in the Goldwater years. His home was filled with regular political discourse, peaking when his father worked for George Romney’s 1968 presidential campaign. Like Romney himself, Wray’s family believed in holding fast to their own beliefs while respecting what the “other guy” had to say.

While he describes himself as a lifelong Republican, his country — our country — means more to Wray than any party.

“I’ve always been patriotic. I love the USA. We need to save our country. If we lose the USA, we lose all hope. But we have to work together.”

That attitude once was common, even in the turbulent sixties of Wray’s youth. It was a time when party affiliation meant more about how government ought to work — taxes, spending, regulation — than about ideological battles.

Today, extremes in our political environment have made personal attacks and divisions commonplace. Too many good people who value public service are reluctant to step up for political office, knowing the baseless insults and lies that will inevitably be lobbed their way.

Not Wray. He has calmly faced accusations from fellow Republicans that he’s a turncoat. A RINO. Why? Simply for respecting those who oppose him. Asked if the insults bother him, he shakes his head and laughs. He has no inclination to get caught up in such pettiness.

“My personality is pragmatic. Maybe even a little, umm, arrogant. So I don’t care about insults. I don’t react when you goad me.”

Wray’s eyes soften as he pauses here to share a deeper explanation.

“When I was in the Navy, I served on submarines. We had a serious incident… we all knew we were gonna die. We knew it. But… we survived, and this may sound cliche, but since then I’ve seen every day as a gift.”

Following the Navy, Wray settled here on Whidbey in 1990. He’s a well-respected contractor with his siding business, Laser Construction, and he’d love to retire. But he’s still too busy. He laments the lack of young people who want to work in building trades. That’s changing, slowly, he says, but “it may take a whole generation to get where we need to be.”

Our state’s lack of affordable housing is an ongoing crusade for Wray. As a builder he has a closer look at the issue than the average citizen. Along with the dearth of labor in the trades, he sees builders bogged down in permit delays and overregulation. Those factors can add tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars to the price of a home.

“I’ve had Whidbey citizens tell me we’re going to hell here,” he says, incredulous that anyone would suggest such a thing. “We’re not going to hell. Island County is a phenomenal place. But you can’t stop development and growth. We need housing, we need affordability, and we have to plan for it.”

For years, Wray has worked that crusade through service and leadership in the community. He’s a member of Hearts and Hammers and has chaired the board of Habitat for Humanity. He served on the Skagit-Island County Builders Association board for twelve years. He recently stepped up for a term as President of the Building Industry Association of Washington, and was honored as the state’s Builder of the Year.

Wray says his term as BIA President may be the most impactful thing he’s ever done. It gave him a chance to travel the state — thousands of miles that year — meeting with other industry professionals and local officials.

“People paint builders as bad guys, like we’re in bed with developers and that’s bad for affordable housing. But in truth, we’re advocating for it.”

On the political front, Wray serves on the board of Civility First, inspiring leaders and citizens to pledge to work together with mutual respect, rather than beating each other down. The organization’s cofounder, Tom Ewell, credits his wife, Cathy Whitmire, along with the late Oak Harbor Councilman Jim Campbell, for the effort to get the group off the ground in 2016. Republican leader Sandi Peterson, followed shortly by Wray, added their muscle.

Ewell is quick to recognize Wray for the work he has done.

“I’m lucky to know him,” says Ewell. “I’m liberal, he’s conservative, but he’s a common-sense guy, easy to talk to. And he always shows up, always such a hard worker.”

Civility First is “on a bit of a hiatus now,” Wray says, “even though everyone I talk to sees the need for it.” With a sheepish grin, he acknowledges “maybe we’re getting old.”

Or maybe it’s because we open the paper, switch on our TV, or check social media, to find that civility and respect and common ground are no longer in style.

But there are a few crusaders left. Gary Wray may be taking a break, but he’s not going away, and for sure he’s not giving up. There may never be a better moment than now for Civility First’s goal: “preparing people to have civil conversations… one friend at a time.”

To learn more about Civility First, take the Civility Pledge, and get involved in their mission, go to civilityfirst.org.

William Walker’s monthly “Take a Breath” column seeks paths to unity on Whidbey Island in polarized times. Walker lives near Oak Harbor and is an amateur author of four unpublished novels, hundreds of poems, and a stage play. He blogs occasionally at playininthedirt.com.