Thank goodness 2008 is over. Maybe now I can forget my investment in the oil business.
It was one of those sure-fire ideas one gets while mowing the lawn. It’s the only quiet time many people get. Thanks to the deafening sound of the lawn mower engine, you can’t hear anything. Family and neighbors don’t even bother trying to talk to you and, in fact, keep a safe distance because you’re known as a daredevil lawn mowing machine, unafraid of rough terrain, rocky garden beds, flowers and pets. It’s their job to stay out of your way, or end up as mulch, which is everyone’s fate anyway.
During this unbothered time one’s mind often wanders to the day’s news. Last spring the grass was growing robustly and the big news was oil prices. Oil was at $80 a barrel, experts said it was heading to $120, doomsayers said $150. Environmentalists said we were just plain going to run out of oil an then people would finally do something good for the planet by all turning into mulch.
Since I was mowing the lawn, my mind turn to the price of oil’s effect on my lawn mowing. I’d paid $2.50 a gallon for the unleaded in the machine and I worried that I’d be paying $3.50 next time I took the plastic can to the gas station.
Then a brainstorm hit me. I had an unused 5 gallon plastic can in the garage, so why not take a gamble on the oil market? I always used a 2 gallon can, because that carries me through the mowing season from March through October. My lawn’s small and always needs a trim when it’s not playing dead in the summer months. I didn’t need 5 gallons of gas.
But when I decided to invest in the oil market, I went whole hog with the 5 gallon can. I filled it up at $2.50 a gallon, parting with $12.50 in cash. Then I sat back to watch my investment pay off.
As the price of oil increased, by investment looked better all the time. I’d see $3 on the gas station sign and think, gee, my lawn mower gas would have cost $15 at that price. When it reached $4, I knew I had made a killing. I’d saved $7.50 just by filling up early. I had enough cheap gas to last two years, so the Arabs could go hang themselves as far as I cared. As for the car, I’d ride Island Transit more often. But then, the unforeseen happened. The price of gas started to fall.
How could this be, I thought? Congress people had called hearings and publicly scolded the oil company executives for gouging the public, but they sneered back fearlessly. Everyone knew the Chinese and Indians were swallowing oil like hungry baby birds. Americans would never drive less, and everybody in Europe was buying a second car. Besides, we were pumping the earth dry of oil, everybody knew that.
But despite these obvious facts, my 5 gallons of lawn mower gas plummeted in price. It was worth $20, and today it’s worth a measly $8.38 and prices are still dropping. My 5 gallons is worth far less today than the day I bought it. Come March, I’ll be mowing with vastly overpriced fluid. I tried the market and the market won. All summer I’ll be thinking of what a foolish investment I made in 2008.
With another year dawning, I’ve learned my lesson. No more playing the oil market for me. I’m thinking since the economy’s so bad, the demand for food will skyrocket in 2009. I’m buying a whole case of Campbell’s vegetable beef soup and betting that by summer. It’ll be worth a mint.
