We’re here with music historian Diss O’nace to reflect upon the contributions of the late Michael Jackson. Tell us, Mr. O’nance, what was the deceased signer’s greatest claim to fame?
Well, that’s an easy question. His lyrics were forgettable, lots of other people can dance, and he couldn’t really play an instrument, but he will always be remembered for grabbing his crotch.
Excuse me, sir, but this is a family publication. We try to avoid the use of vulgar terms, like the one you just said.
All right, we’ll just refer to it as “it.” And it’s not vulgar, it’s just sort of crude, a body location not normally mentioned in polite society. So when Michael grabbed it on-stage, it shook the world.
Yes, we seem to recall all the furor. And he wore costumes designed to particularly display his …. er, it. Back in the early ’80s, parents were aghast that it would be allowed on stage, let alone shown on TV.
True enough, it was indeed revolutionary. It was the first time it had gained any fame at all. Through the ages, it was pretty much ignored, even though everybody had one. It’s just that it was never brought into a major musical act.
Why’s that?
Apparently, before Michael Jackson’s stroke of genius, nobody had ever thought of using it. Of course, there were props. Rudy Vallee had his megaphone, Bing Crosby his pipe and Frank Sinatra his blue eyes, and they all had the usual appendages, but body parts per se were generally not emphasized, until Elvis Presley came along.
What about Elvis?
Elvis introduced the hips to the American public, which was scandalous enough for his time. Swiveling hips, shimmying hips, pumping hips, Elvis had it all. Ed Sullivan banned Elvis’ hips from his number one-rated TV show, where the audience saw Elvis only from the waist up. Many viewers thought he must have lost his legs in the war, but it was just Mr. Sullivan protecting public decency.
Then what happened?
Pretty soon, everybody had hips, using them in every way imaginable on stage. But the music scene flattened out after that, because nobody thought there was anything else: Hands, arms, legs, and hips, that was it.
Until, of course, Michael Jackson came along and grabbed it?
Yes, he grabbed it, and the world of entertainment has never been the same. Pretty soon many entertainers were reaching toward it, pretending to grab it, or blatantly grabbing, depending on the genre. When hip hop artists came along they enthusiastically adopted Michael Jackson’s pioneering technique, and the rest is history.
Funny, but since Mr. Jackson’s death, they’ve shown endless video on TV, but I haven’t seen a lot of pictures of him grabbing it.
That just shows how far ahead of his time he was. Michael Jackson’s famous move is still so controversial they’re reluctant to show it on TV, especially at a time when we’re honoring his music. But trust me, entertainers for years to come will grab it repeatedly, in homage to its popularizer.
So, what’s next in musical entertainment, now that Michael Jackson is gone?
There’s nothing to do but wait. Elvis discovered the hips, Michael Johnson found the crotch. We can’t even imagine what overlooked body part the next entertainment genius will bring us, but we’re pretty sure parents everywhere will be aghast.
