The following items were selected from reports made to the Island County Sheriff’s Office:

Saturday, March 28

At 12 p.m., an Oak Harbor Road resident reported that raccoons were making faces at him and the deer were telling lies.

At 3:32 p.m., a Barrington resident reported that someone broke into his house and cleaned his kitchen and bathroom.

At 7:36 p.m., a caller reported that a suspicious man dressed in an ugly sweater and stained trousers was selling meat sticks and socks door-to-door in Northgate.

At 8:20 p.m., a woman reported not feeling well after eating a tub of old mayonnaise and falling off the trampoline.

At 11:55 p.m., a shopper reported seeing Big Foot at Walmart.

Sunday, March 29

At 6 a.m., a man living in his parent’s basement reported that his girlfriend said she doesn’t like Star Trek and claimed William Shatner is a bad actor. The man asked an officer to talk some sense into her.

At 11 p.m., a police officer reported that he locked himself out of his car with an infant inside. The baby was a suspect in a noise complaint.

Monday, March 30

At 12 p.m., an accident involving a truck, a blender and a moose was reported on Highway 20.

At 4 p.m., a man claiming to be the publisher of a local newspaper reported that seagulls made a mess on his shiny new SUV.

Tuesday, March 31

At 12 p.m., an Admirals Cove resident reported that his dog coughed up a Teddy bear, a human arm and the paper boy.

APRIL FOOLS!