There’s bad news and worse news for senior citizens. The bad is that it looks like for the second year in a row you won’t be getting an increase in your Social Security check even though food and medical prices are rising rapidly. The worse news is the people who brought us the distressing tech bubble in 2000 and the disastrous housing bubble in 2007 are now investing their money in commodities, such as gold, silver and Cheerios. You already can’t afford gold or silver; it’s only a matter of time before you can’t afford Cheerios or anything else made of food, because food parts such as wheat, barley and milk are also commodities.

Once the commodity prices rise enough, lesser investors will decide to jump on the bandwagon before it’s too later, forcing food prices to skyrocket. This is the greatest idea the commodity investors have ever had. Sure, you lost your money in the tech bubble, and you lost your house in the housing bubble, but you could still eat! Bankers and investors just hate it when you’re going around eating when you owe them money.

Food will be the ultimate bubble because you only have two choices: Get some or die. You can’t eat your worthless underwater house or your worthless tech stock certificates, so you’ll have no choice but to go to the bank for some food. Don’t confuse this with the food bank where they give away food, because nobody will be able to afford to give it way anymore.

Fortunately, banks and credit card companies are coming up with food financing devices as we speak. In a few months they may be flooding your mailbox, just like in the old easy credit days. You’ll see slick pictures of beef steaks, red tomatoes, roasted chickens and Cheerios, with big type saying “These could be yours!” There will be even be a senior citizen’s special, where your monthly Social Security check buys you an entire day’s supply of food!

Being a senior citizen and able to calculate in your head, you’ll know this fantastic offer will leave you 29 days without food. But you’re hungry, so with hanging head you go to the bank and trade them your check for a bag of food.

Pretty soon the banks won’t have enough food to satisfy the demand, so the government will have to step in. Unfortunately, the Federal Reserve can’t print up food, so they’ll print billions of dollars to give to the banks to buy more food from the corporate food producers, and maybe a trillion or two to the corporate food producers to coax them to manufacture more food. Unfortunately, the Chinese will have already purchased all the commodities on the market. Whidbey Islanders will jeer as the last container ship of Cheerios steams by on its way to Shanghai.

At the end we’ll have worthless tech stocks, worthless houses and no food. There will be only one way to save the economy, and that’s to create a new enemy and invade. Those Canadians are getting a little uppity, don’t you think?