The federal government’s “Cash for Clunkers” has ended and a lot of folks took advantage of the program to unload those old gas guzzlers for a set of wheels that would give them better mileage.
The idea behind the program was twofold, designed to pump up the sagging auto industry while reducing dependence on foreign oil at the same time. It even got environmentalists on the band wagon because better mileage means less emissions and a reduction in the now famous “carbon footprint.”
There were some real deals to be had like the salesman who pitched the idea of picking up a new KIA for less than $5,000 after the government rebate. But now you’ve waited too long and unless the Obama administration coughs up more bucks, the program is a dead deal.
Still, there are some fun things you can do with that old clunker that takes up space and leaks oil in the garage.
How’s this for an idea, why not have a demolition derby?
The demolition derby rule book says you can’t use station wagons, pickup trucks or SUVs in competition. But according to the latest “Clunker Statistics,” SUVs, Fords in particular, were among the top 10 vehicles that got turned in to the program so why not smash up a few of them?
You could switch the rules around a bit and require SUV drivers to paint how many miles per gallon their rig gets somewhere on the vehicle in addition to the entry number.
You can almost hear the crowd cheering now when somebody’s Ford SUV that has, “This Rig Gets Me Three Gallons to the Mile,” painted on the trunk gets sandwiched between two other vehicles with a resounding thud so it sort of looks like an accordion after all is said and done. Folks that’s fun, no matter how you look at it.
Big old pickup trucks could be another derby attraction.
I’m sure you’ve sat behind one of them at a red light as it was blowing plumes of oil smoke out the exhaust so thick you were contemplating ringing up the fire department on your cell phone.
Either that or it was burning diesel fuel that made it smell like a school bus from the 1960s, forcing your wife and kids to plug their noses while making comments about how the driver should run the rig off the nearest cliff.
Why not allow pickup trucks to be entered in demolition derbies in their own, separate division?
They’d probably last a long time unless they got hit right in the front and had the radiator explode, seeing most of them have a heck of a lot of sheet metal bodywork. You would have to make a few rules like you couldn’t load the bed up with cement blocks or firewood, but folks, bashing pickup trucks in a dirt arena would be another source of good, clean, family entertainment.
Winners of demolition derbies get a cash prize, so I guess the cash for clunkers program hasn’t completely gone the way of the dodo bird.
You’d have to change the name, though, and call the new program “Crash Those Clunkers.”
