Editor’s column: TSA has sights set on children’s bubble gun

Good gosh, now they’re thinking of bringing TSA to AMTRAK. For those who aren’t familiar with acronyms, that’s the Transportation Security Administration to American Track. So to be precise, some Congress people want the dreaded TSA found at airports to search AMTRAK passengers as well, which is quite an alarming prospect.

Good gosh, now they’re thinking of bringing TSA to AMTRAK. For those who aren’t familiar with acronyms, that’s the Transportation Security Administration to American Track. So to be precise, some Congress people want the dreaded TSA found at airports to search AMTRAK passengers as well, which is quite an alarming prospect.

It apparently stems from writings found in Osama bin Laden’s hideout, titled “The Girls of AMTRAK.” Being a deeply religious man he was only interested in the AMTRAK portion of the article, disregarding the railroad girls entirely. No doubt he was looking past the comely models to see what in the background was worth blowing up. He was calculating the amount of TNT required to blow Glacier Peak to smithereens along with 10,000 tourists when his four wives walked in, forcing him to stash the AMTRAK guide under his bed and quickly open the Quran.

This apparent terrorist interest in AMTRAK quickly set TSA jaws flapping on cable news channels, and before we knew it our representatives in Congress were talking about eliminating freedom of travel from trains, as well as airplanes. The timing couldn’t be worse because next month we’ve got AMTRAK tickets from Everett to Washington, D.C., and the passenger list includes our 2-year-old grandson who happens to be a bubble terrorist. That in part is why we chose not to fly. We knew the crack TSA agents would find his bubble gun, either through a full-diaper search or an X-ray, and the little guy would be hauled off to Guantanamo Bay without a trial. He might emerge 20 years later but by then he would be an angry young man, figuring out how to blow a bubble large enough to encircle all of New York City and what the damage would be when he popped it with his finger. Millions of New Yorkers would get wet and soapy and the slippery streets would cause thousands of people to fall and numerous traffic accidents. Thoughts like this keep TSA agents awake at night, fearful that somewhere out there is someone planning on using a bubble of mass destruction.

That would be our grandson, who carries his battery-powered bubble gun around like Marshal Dillon, ready in a split second to enshroud anyone in a cloud of bubbles. It shoots six bubbles at a time in rapid succession, and he could bubbleize six TSA agents in a matter of seconds.

Right now it’s not illegal to shoot bubbles at the brakeman, porter, fireman and engineer, but if TSA has it way, our grandson will never get his bubble gun on the train. What then are we supposed to do with him on a 63-hour trip? The though of being stuck on a train with a bored 2-year-old is enough to blow our minds.

More in Opinion

Sound Off: Much of school district’s excellence due to levy ‘yes’ vote

Four years ago, North Whidbey voters approved a maintenance and operations levy… Continue reading

In Our Opinion: Oak Harbor pro-Trump rally during Capitol siege poorly timed

An angry and violent mob of President Donald Trump’s supporters were still… Continue reading

Sound Off: County needs to respond, in public, in detail

This newspaper published an editorial on Dec. 29, “Public Health nurse exodus… Continue reading

Arny, Matt
Sound Off: Navy committed to environmental stewardship

Numerous area media outlets, including The Seattle Times, have published stories citing… Continue reading

In Our Opinion: Public Health nurse exodus is cause for reckoning

It’s not unusual for the state Department of Health to assist a… Continue reading

My wish list to Santa Claus after a very hard Rock year

Dear Santa, This has been a Hard Rock year on Whidbey Island,… Continue reading

In Our Opinion: CARES money should be spent on pandemic recovery

Apparently we have different Facebook friends than Zencity. In its first report,… Continue reading

In Our Opinion: With proper mitigation, classroom learning can be done safely

Oak Harbor Schools are bucking the trend across the island and the… Continue reading

In Our Opinion: Local education is a key to COVID-19 vaccination success

The COVID-19 vaccine does not contain tiny microchips, it won’t infect you… Continue reading

Sound Off: Shopping small this holiday season needed more than ever

It’s no secret that the coronavirus pandemic has made a huge impact… Continue reading

Sound Off | Negotiations with Navy over connecting to sewer have ceased

As Mayor of Oak Harbor, I appreciate the partnership the city has… Continue reading

Wise Drive: Phone usage while driving increases crash risk

Q:What’s the deal with people who wear a mask when they’re driving… Continue reading