I owe you all an apology for the inflation we are experiencing, because every time I try to save money, it costs us all in the end.

I remember the fall of 2006 when I decided to cut those winter electricity bills by purchasing fluorescent lights. They had a good deal at Home Depot made even better by coupons from Puget Sound Energy, so the cost wasn’t so bad. I bought 16 bulbs, went home and spent the day involved in the only home improvement project I’ve ever succeeded at: screwing in light bulbs. I completed the job successfully, even the part where I have to stand on the top of a rickety six-foot step ladder to reach the fixture above the entryway. I was glad that with the fluorescent bulb, I wouldn’t have to do this thrice a year any more. The package promised the fluorescent bulb would last years.

I sat back for a month admiring my new bulbs and waiting for the Puget Sound Energy bill to arrive. I was not disappointed. My energy consumption had declined 6 percent from the previous year, as had my bill. I enjoyed saving money, but in the back of my mind something told me, “They’re going to get you for this.” It took about a year, but Puget Sound Energy finally announced a request for a 9 percent price increase. This will make up for all the money I cost them in the past, and give them more money in the future, despite my house full of fluorescent bulbs. I’m afraid you will all have to pay the same increase in your electricity bills, so I’m sorry I started the whole thing with my naive effort to conserve energy and save money. You can’t fight the power company.

Something similar happened when gasoline hit $2 a gallon a couple of years ago. That was double the price of gas when I started commuting to my new job in Oak Harbor, and I wasn’t about to pay it. I took the money I saved by riding the bus three times a week and stuck it in a quart jar. Pretty soon, I needed another jar.

I was saving five gallons of gas a week, which was a blow to the oil companies’ profits. So they soon hiked the price to $3.25 a gallon, which made my gas bill just as high as ever even though I was driving less. The lesson once again is that you can’t beat Exxon, or Puget Sound Energy.

More recently, I decided I was eating too much sugar, so I cut way back. I’ve noticed that since then the price of candy and ice cream has soared. Again, I feel I’m to blame. I’m tempted to fall off the wagon and go back to sugar because you all have been punished enough.

I took physics in high school and learned about the law of conservation of energy, but it didn’t apply to the real world so I forgot it. The new law of conservation is that whenever you conserve, you pay more for the product therefore you can never get ahead.

So when the fluorescents finally burn out I’m heading to Ace, where you can get a package of four traditional light bulbs for only a dollar. Thanks to me, your energy prices might not rise so quickly in the future.