When this column was started many years ago it was based on the assumption that the public was tired of long, boring newspaper columns, and there was room for a short, boring newspaper column. Unfortunately, we haven’t been keeping up with the times, particularly the Internet service called Twitter, which allows one to communicate using a maximum of 140 characters.
So, in this busy age of Twitter when few people have the time to follow the news in-depth, here’s a dozen Twitter columns you can tweet to your friends or enemies, as the case may be, all 140-characters or less, as counted by Mr. Apple.
1. Sen. Murray lands $7 million for ferries: Pays for 2 consultants, one to study rotten dock plank; one to plan holiday party at Colman Dock.
2. Mariners inadvertently achieve goal of being competitive, decide to quit while ahead.
3. Idaho grad Sarah Palin not ready to lead: Takes Ivy League degree to start unwinnable wars, undermine Constitution and wreck the economy.
4. Doctors notice that the endless debate on health care is making everyone sick, and prescribe that Congress “just shut up for a while.”
5. Whidbey Island’s chambers of commerce propose reducing weeks to only five-days, as more weekends are needed for additional festivals.
6. Unpopular Starbucks changes name to 15th Avenue Coffee and Tea on new store. Congress likes concept, changes its name to Mickey Mouse Club.
7. In an effort to increase ridership, Island Transit announces it will abandon its no-fare policy and start paying people to ride.
8. Cities hire contractors to start removing foreclosed homes, prompting a move to create the Island County Economic Undevelopment Council.
9. With auto and steel industries busted, America’s number one industry is Amish factory that produces mantels for miracle electric heater.
10. Goldman Sachs rips off taxpayers, makes billions. Amish may enter the miracle investment business.
11. After hiring planning director in secret, Island County commissioners purchase assortment of masks for “the phantom of the county.”
12. Harry Belafonte calls for jobs in Afghanistan, saying people could count fruit or, as he put it, “Hey Mister Taleban, tally me bananas.”