Citizens, we are facing difficult economic times. The country is broke, the stock market is eroding, and by this time next year we’ll all be waiting in soup lines. Government at all levels must be prepared for hard times, which is why it’s so fortunate we have an election in progress. The astute voter peruses the news columns for hard-hitting questions meant to solicit the truth from the candidates. This column writer, for example, has interviewed any number of candidates for state and local offices and can assure readers that they’re all really, really concerned. Here’s what they all have to say, condensed for easy reading.

Q: Looks like we’re headed for the hardest economic times since the Great Depression. What are you as a candidate for public office prepared to do about it?

A: We have to get spending under control. Drunken sailors are suing the government for defamation, as government spending makes them look bad. I’m prepared to cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

Q: Where exactly are you proposing to cut the budget?

A: I’m going to study the budget line-by-line, and then we’ll start cutting like crazy.

Q: It’s been months since you announced your candidacy, why haven’t you already studied the budget?

A: I’ve been too busy digging post holes for yard signs. But on Nov. 5, the day after the election, I’ll be digging into the budget to find areas where we can cut, gnash and slash.

Q: Budget cuts can be painful, but with personnel costs making up 80 percent or more of the budget, what government positions are you willing to eliminate?

A: We definitely have to cut positions, especially nonessential positions. But we have to protect the essential positions like teachers, police officers, prison guards, highway workers, janitors and stuff like that.

Q: So what jobs would you consider eliminating?

A: I’m not ready to be specific, first I have to go through the budget line-by-line, with a fine toothed comb and magnifying glass, ferreting out all the non-essential spending we all know is in there.

Q: Well, once you make the cuts, that might balance the government budget. But won’t there be a growing demand for government services during the Depression of 2009?

A: Yes indeed. We need to beef up our social service programs, inject money into education, extend job training, increase food stamps and rent subsidies, do whatever it takes to get the American people back on their feet.

Q: So you’re willing to enhance revenues through tax increases, once all the spending cuts are made?

A: Now is not the time for new taxes! The burden on Americans is great enough without paying more of their hard earned money to the government. What we need is tax cuts for working people and small businesses so we can get America moving again.

Q: Where’s all this money going to come from?

A: As I said, once I go through the budget line by line with a magnified fine-toothed comb, we’ll use the savings for all those new services.

Q: So you’re going to cut spending drastically without hurting services, then spend a lot more on new services, and do it all while lowering taxes. Do you think Americans are fools?

A: I’m depending on it. How do you think people like me keep getting elected year after year?