Ace Hardware was recently chosen to be the official vendor of duct tape and other handyman supplies by members of the newly-formed Oak Harbor Lodge of the International Possum Brotherhood.

It may not seem like a big deal to the average person, but duct tape is very serious business for the advanced handymen of the lodge. Duct tape — the often-derided, strong, gray-colored tape — seems to play a major role in the philosophy of the Possum Brotherhood. One of the many mantras the men spit out involves the tape: “If it ain’t fixed with duct tape it ain’t fixed at all” and “the true sign of a handyman is how he uses his duct tape.”

Several of the plaid-clad men arrived at a recent meeting with suspenders, eye glasses and other articles of clothing fixed with duct tape. It’s not stylish, perhaps, but it works. And that’s the point.

The Oak Harbor chapter of the lodge was founded last month by 19 charter members who represent a wide range of business and professional interests in the community. The Possum Brotherhood traces its roots to the first chapter, founded at Possum Lake, Canada, a quiet community located a short distance up the logging road from the bustling city of Port Asbestos.

The Possum Brotherhood became well known in both Canada and the U.S. through what Oak Harbor Lodge member Al Fragola refers to as “a televised lodge meeting.” It’s called the “Red Green Show.”

International lodge leader, Brother Red Green, introduced the principles of the lodge to the world through this program. His many sayings may seem simplistic, but they provide a window to the hearts and inner-worlds of the typical middle-aged tinkerer. They are unapologetic in their maleness. Women can’t join the lodge, but that’s definitely not because lodge members think they’re better than women.

The lodge creed is “quando omni flunkus moritati,” which translates to “if all else fails, play dead.” Another common saying is “if women don’t find you handsome, at least they can find you handy.”

Last Thursday, lodge members Paul Newman and Fragola led a certification team to the hardware store to inspect the tape, using the so-called Sedgewick Tape Performance Test. They ripped the tape, pulled it, held it up to the light. Fragola even cautiously tasted the tape.

Store owner Rick Peterson watched nervously — and a few dumbfounded customers walked away quickly — until Fragola finally announced that the tape met the standards. The lodge members handed a relieved-looking Peterson their framed certificate of approval.

“This fades,” Newman told Peterson as he took the certificate, “so it is our position that you put it where the sun don’t shine.”

Peterson said he was proud to receive the honor. “This is big business,” he said. “We’ve ordered a pallet of duct tape.”

After they had dispensed with the tape matter, the lodge members gathered at Oak Harbor Brew Pub for their weekly meeting. Each meeting begins with the famous Man’s Prayer: “I’m a man, but I can change … if I have to … I guess.”

Newman — dressed in waders, construction cap and bow tie — regaled the members with “the history of sewage” as they enjoyed their beer and salty foods. Starting from the days of Adam and Eve, he explained how sewage has helped mold the world we live in.

“The history of sewage paralleled the history of toilet paper,” he said, reading from a roll of toilet paper, “but unfortunately much of that history has been wiped out over time.”

Fragola then announced that the Possum Lodge has three “official vendors” in Oak Harbor. He said Ace Hardware joins Discount Part Store — which supplies their vests, suspenders and bow ties — and Whidbey Printers, “which handles our laminating needs.”

Community members who are curious about the Possum Lodge will get a couple of chances to check them out in public. Fragola said they plan to march in the city’s St. Patrick’s Day parade. They also hope to escort the Crab Queens, who are sort of the Possum’s regal counterparts, in the Holland Happening parade.

The meeting eventually adjourned with another inspirational pledge: “We’re in this together, so keep your stick on the ice.”

You can reach News-Times reporter Jessie Stensland at jstensland@whidbeynewstimes.com or call 675-6611.