“For about 20 minutes last week my name was Denise.I was confined to a wheelchair – the result of an injury that happened when my husband, Jim, crashed our car in a fit of angry, reckless driving.I lived in a tiny country town, far from shops and services, and it was hard, taking care of my six children and running my home. From a wheelchair. With a husband who was often angry and unpredictable.He told me I was useless, no good to anybody, and my stomach turned with shame and despair.He hit me, and I felt angry. But ashamed, too. And very alone. Because I didn’t want to tell anybody.And then he beat my son. And when I called the police, they didn’t come for hours. And there was no where to go.It was painful, being Denise. And frustrating. And, in the end, it was very, very sad. I didn’t expect an experience like that when I went to see what In Her Shoes was all about.In Her Shoes is an interactive exhibit based on the true stories of Washington state women who have been victims of domestic violence. It was presented by Citizens Against Domestic and Sexual Abuse at several places around the island during Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, and CADA staff will gladly set it up again, for any group or organization that would like to see it.It works like this. When you come through the door, you are asked to choose one of half-a-dozen or so cards with women’s names on them. More color-coded cards are set out on tables around the room, under signs that say Family and Friends, Doctor, Police, Courtroom, Battered Women’s Shelter, Go Back Home, and more. The story on the back of the first card introduces the woman and tells you about her circumstances. It also tells you about a day when her husband abused her. Denise’s card tells you that her husband hit her when she found him in their home making love to another woman. When she called the police, he convinced them she was mentally unstable. The card directs you to a station in the room labeled Abuse Happens.You hold out your hand for a Band-Aid that represents the abuse. The word hit is written on it. It’s oddly uncomfortable. You feel marked, even though it’s only a Band-Aid.You pick up the next card. It gives you options. You can call a friend, or you can call a domestic violence hotline. You choose the hotline. They tell you where the nearest shelter is, but it’s not very near.You have to choose, as if you were Denise. Stay or go? You decide to stay. Next card. Jim apologizes, says he’s so sorry, he’ll make it up to you.Then it happens again. This time he hits your son and hurts him. He hits you, too. You go back for another Band-Aid. This time it feels worse, it feels like you keep ending up in the same place, a place you don’t want to be, but can’t get away from. Again there are choices to be made. Who do you turn to? What do you do? What are your choices? And whatever you decide, the choices you make for Denise all lead back to a home where she and her children aren’t safe.It’s just an exercise. You know that. You’re just reading from colored cards. But you begin to try harder, and harder, to make a choice that will break the cycle. And nothing works. It becomes personal. You start to feel what she felt. What you would feel, in her shoes. And in the end, you walk away with a very different take on what it means to be abused.Lisa Horace, who went through the simulation with her 3-year-old daughter at her side, says her emotional reaction was powerful.It was very educational. It was very different. I learned a whole lot, Horace said. I learned that once it starts, it never stops.She had followed a different story, step by step, and she took it personally, too. What got me was when I decided to go back and he started hitting my kids, she said, indignantly. When he started with the kids, I said ‘OK, no more of this.’ … I don’t want my son growing up, expecting that’s what a man is.I’ve never seen anything this innovative, said Melvern John, another visitor. It makes you think, and realize how frustrating it is for people. She, too, was surprised at how many emotional reactions she went through. Anger, frustration, disbelief that the people in the system have their preconceptions about people, too, and before they even listen, they’ve decided about you.CADA program coordinator Tammy Moreno says In Her Shoes is such a powerful experience because you are making the decisions. You make decisions that are going to get you free. But then you run into roadblocks and all the variables between the agencies that are supposed to help you.This may be the first time you realize how many agencies can be involved, Moreno said. You may have to deal with no housing, there may be a custody battle. You may call the police and find they can file a report, possibly arrest him, but they can’t help you leave. Medical care can fix your wounds, but they’ll send you out that door, too.It’s what often waits outside all those doors that makes it so sad to walk in the steps of the women whose stories are told in In Her Shoes. For Denise, there was nothing outside that door, even though she tried again and again to get help.She ended up back in the car with her angry, out-of-control husband. He crashed it, again. And they both died.Her card sends you to a station representing a funeral home, and asks you to stand still and think for five minutes about her life, and her death.Five minutes isn’t nearly long enough.But that’s what In Her Shoes is all about – taking time to think about what abuse means. It’s also about understanding that you can have a part in the whole process of domestic violence, said Valerie Stafford, CADA’s executive director.One of the things that you learn as you follow the lives of abused women is that they don’t have as many choices as you might think, and that although there are many agencies that are intended to help, help isn’t always available, or victims don’t always know how to find it. Everybody is impacted, and everybody has responsibility, she said. Most people could be doing more to help the victims of violence. We like to hope that people can find a way through the maze without us. We think we’re doing what we can. … But we could all do more. We could be a little more educated about all the barriers that we put up. We can all be more responsive. If we are all a little more aware of the barriers, we can all help to break them down.That’s why the central question asked by In Her Shoes is What part will you play?Everybody can make a difference, Stafford said. Everybody can pick up one small piece. We can all say, ‘It’s not your fault.’ And ‘you don’t deserve to be hurt.’ . “