FAITHFUL LIVING: Investigating church life can be scary for many

Published 8:00 am Saturday, October 19, 2002

Growing up in a moderately sized Southern California beach town did absolutely nothing to prepare me for raising a daughter who loves horses. Her interest began when she lived in pink princess dresses and purple rubber boots. I thought it a charming — if not a slightly puzzling — combination at the time. Now I realize her clothing represented a classic battle. She loved pink and dressing up. She also wanted to be a cowgirl and ride like the wind.

If ever we could not locate Katie we immediately knew to walk down the road, for she loved to stand outside our neighbor’s pasture fence to watch their young thoroughbred. He was equally curious about her and one of my favorite photos of young Katie shows KC, tall and proud, bending over the top rung of the fence to investigate our booted princess.

I responded to Katie’s love of horses by becoming a horse 4-H mother. The task has placed me into foreign territory and in the beginning I was terrified, counting sheep during the wee hours more nights than I can identify. Uniting personal determination and the support of a great club made up of parents and caring volunteers, I have become a quick learn. For example, I’ve learned that if you love horses you spend money. You socialize and train with strong, opinionated horse enthusiasts. You invest great amounts of time and the amount of information you must learn to feel any sense of confidence is immense.

Entering the horse world has been a wondrous adventure for Katie and I and the longer we spend owning and training our horse the greater are the parallels that can be drawn to becoming an active person of faith. It is an insight I consider heaven sent, for the similarities are too strong for me to ignore.

There are many catalysts for people deciding to involve themselves in a local church congregation or para-church organization. Some people join a congregation because their children lead the way and parents frequently determine it is a good idea to be supportive. Some people head to church because a friend has invited them. Others attend a non-threatening activity that has been advertised as one for the community and feel a bit more comfortable about trying out a worship service at another time. Others may seek the counsel of a pastor when their lives are filled with crisis.

Whatever the motivating factor, heading to church can be scary if you have not been involved in church before. Meeting new people is fun for some and nerve-wracking for others. And goodness knows church folks definitely have their ways. They talk a certain talk. They often have a look. They can be so entrenched in church life they forget that there is a world out there that moves differently. Breaking into that scene, however desirable, can be extremely intimidating.

Sometimes church people try hard but their attempts add to a visitor’s stress. Occasionally they plaster a nametag on a visitor the minute they enter when all the visitor wants is to observe with anonymity. Other times visitors are asked to stand and introduce themselves to the congregants. Ugh. More often than not visitors are left standing alone with nobody to talk with while regular attendees happily socialize during coffee time when they could be welcoming and caring.

Worse yet, church people err when they forget their manners out in public, then flippantly excuse their poor or questionable behavior by reminding those in witness of the event that they are not perfect, just forgiven. While this is certainly true and most Christians will readily admit that they are flawed in many ways, flip answers offered when self-control is in order are highly hurtful and regrettable. Our faith should make a big difference. We should be more patient and forgiving and our behavior should stand out as a positive reflection of our salvation.

Sometimes church people make the mistake of asking newcomers to accept voluntary work assignments long before they are ready. It is easy to overload an enthusiastic new worshipper when they should be cared for and nurtured and befriended for extended amounts of time before anything is asked of them.

I mention all of these situations because there are a whole lot of us who are naturally spiritual and drawn to being active members of a church. At the same time, we are reminded through other experiences in our lives that joining groups with whom we have no familiarity can be downright scary–even though it might be the best possible choice to make.

Next week, let us continue to talk about church life and how to investigate it. Such a move can change your life in the most amazing of ways.

Freelance writer Joan Bay Klope’s e-mail address is jbk@hotmail.com