For as long as I can remember I have valued the concept of independence. I have chosen to live my life independently by being as competent as I know to be and taking care of business, even when it feels sacrificial. While I credit this drive, in part, to the mystery of genetics, personality and birth order (I’m a first born and they are typically the driven, serious, and responsible ones!) my understanding of independence was first fertilized when my dad counseled me to think for myself when it came to childhood issues. When I grew older and the time to attend college and eventually marry neared, Dad gave voice with great vigor to the idea that I make educational and career choices that would aid my future independence.

“I know you love Matt and envision a lifetime with him,” Dad said to me one day, “but you can’t foresee how life will unfold. Nobody wants to envision rough seas, but they will come, Joan. When they do, I want the comfort of knowing you’ll be prepared to respond as independently and competently as possible.”

I have come to understand that these attitudes reflected not only his Depression-era lessons but also the American spirit so many of us treasure. I am mentally replaying conversations such as this as I face a new year without my dad.

His death eight weeks ago forces me to lean not on his physical presence but his wisdom. His death also causes me to turn to my other father — God the Father —and it is he who reminds me that I can aim for independence, but there are limits to this wisdom. Being competent is worthy, but God reminds me that there are no solitary saints or spiritual hermits.

Each new year in recent years I reread Rick Warren’s book, “The Purpose-Driven Life,” and I will again pick up his bestseller beginning Monday. I like to be reminded that God created us for his purposes and it is his expectation that we understand our gifts and abilities and put them to good use. Doing so will provide joy, a strong connection with God, deep and meaningful worship experiences, and great adventure.

Interestingly enough, we are not to live spiritually independent lives. In fact, if you regularly utter, “I believe in God but don’t do church!” Warren will challenge this view. He contends that this attitude does not work. Instead, your relationship with God can be personal, reflecting your own style, but you are called to bind your life with others in an organized setting. Independence and faith are incompatible.

I’ll begin 2007 by reminding myself why people need a church family. First, we are called to care about others and demonstrate that care by working side by side with them. Second, we will grow to spiritual maturity when we love and pray for those we sit beside in church: when we encourage them, serve and teach them. In addition we are to carry each other’s burdens, forgive each other, and remain devoted through thick and thin. In isolation we fool ourselves into thinking we can handle all of life on our own if there is nobody to challenge our choices and our thinking. And third, with others nearby, we can be fortified to share God’s great news of love and forgiveness to others in need of such assurances.

Is church involvement easy? At times it is not and throughout the years I have experienced amazing joys and the deepest of disappointments. That is because churches are not walls or classrooms or worship centers. Churches are wherepeople bring into the mix their unique brands of energy and hope and passion. They also bring their brokenness and faults, their stress and opinions and bad habits. Yet, to stay uninvolved cannot be an option when God asks us to serve and forgive each other because each person’s worth is incredibly high … so high Christ died on their behalf and yours.

So why should we put up with all the tough stuff and not just treat church like a country club membership? God tells us that with commitment to people comes huge benefit — to us personally, to God’s family of believers, and to our world so in need of love and care and service. God designed church specifically to help us fulfill our destinies. When we regularly incorporate other believers and activities into our lives, we will discover great purpose, meet amazing people, and are able to embrace principles on which we can build competence and independence. We will have a new energy as well as people to love and be loved by.

The truth of the matter is this: we can spend our lifetimes searching for the perfect church or we can discover love and forgiveness by becoming part of a local congregation.

Check your local church listings and begin 2007 boldly.

Reach Joan Bay Klope at faithfulliving@hotmail.com.