A fostering family

It makes for hectic holidays for Navy family

Families with several young children always find Christmas hectic, but for Jennifer and Brian Brimeyer, Christmas 2003 was more hectic than usual when their family grew.

McKenna, then 4, and Sammy, then 1, came into the family courtesy of a telephone call from Child Protective Services.

The Brimeyers were ready for another foster child to join their other foster children, Teddy and Shaun. They wanted a girl. McKenna had a brother who was with another foster family. To keep the siblings together, the Brimeyers said he was welcome, too.

This double addition put the foster parents contending with state agencies, holiday stress and three children in diapers: Teddy, then 2; Shaun and Sammy, who were then age 1.

“Christmas was crazy last year,” Jennifer Brimeyer conceded.

The family’s hoping for a more settled holiday this year. Now they only have two foster children — the Brimeyers adopted Teddy and Shaun in November.

When Petty Officer 2nd Class Brian Brimeyer received orders to transfer to Whidbey Island from Lemoore, Calif., he and his wife wouldn’t leave Teddy and Shaun behind. Jennifer remained in military housing with a few necessities and the boys while Brian headed north to work on establishing certification as a foster family in Washington.

They were told the process would only take a few weeks. It took 12. Jennifer wasn’t authorized to remain in housing for so long.

“Luckily a woman in housing understood about foster children, and she made sure we could stay,” Jennifer said.

Twelve weeks as a split family wasn’t easy, but Jennifer’s parents helped and she took the situation day by day.

“By the grace of God, we made it and could move,” Jennifer said.

That wasn’t the only hurdle the Brimeyers encountered.

Brian left for the Western Pacific on deployment with Aircraft Intermediate Maintenance Detachment. The Brimeyers were to adopt Teddy and Shaun while he was gone, and Jennifer had every form and document prepared and signed. June 27, 2004, she, Teddy and Shaun flew to California for final details.

Five minutes after walking into a San Jose, Calif., courtroom, everything was over.

The judge refused to grant the adoption because Brian Brimeyer did not appear.

“He said if I wanted to buy a house, he would let me but if my husband really wanted these children, he would have found a way to be here,” Jennifer said. The judge did not care if Brian was somewhere at sea serving his country.

“I couldn’t do anything,” Jennifer said. “I might have lost them both.”

She also worried Shaun’s birth mother, a drug addict, might make trouble.

“She never wanted Teddy, but Shaun she would fight for,” Jennifer said. In fact, the birth mother had postponed the adoption and built every hurdle she could to prevent the adoption.

Jennifer said being a foster family means being worried and frustrated. The children aren’t hers and Brian’s although Teddy has lived with them since he was barely a toddler, and Shaun had been part of their lives since he was a newborn.

“You want what’s best for them,” she said. “But you have to follow state rules.”

When the family lived in California, Teddy spent time with his birth parents twice a week.

“Those were screaming Tuesdays and Thursdays,” she said. Teddy didn’t know his parents but the court mandated family visits.

The Brimeyers had planned on heading to California for the adoption soon after Brian returned. Luckily they were able to finalize the adoption in Washington.

“It was really special,” Jennifer said. Teddy and Shaun wore vintage sailor suits and authentic white headgear.

For the one day, Teddy didn’t wear the command ballcap Brian gave him before deployment. From the time his papa left, Teddy wore the cap everywhere, even to bed.

Brian maintains one regret about his children. His father on the East Coast has yet to show much interest, much less meet Teddy, Shaun, McKenna and Sammy.

“I wish I could share my great children with my dad,” Brian said.