Seems like yesterday that they grumped and dallied and complained. In fact, the Klope kids called out, “Just a minute, Mom!” so many times from their bedrooms I had to climb the stairs and retrieve them myself.

But my determination to work toward a healthy family life prevailed. And I finally did what any quick-thinking mother does when she wants to gather her chicks, but detects high resistance and low enthusiasm: she turns to food.

“The first one downstairs, sitting on the couch, gets to choose first when I break open the snacks,” I called. As our three kids thundered down the stairs one asked in passing, “Who’s babysitting us?”

“It’s meeting time! Come to the first of many Klope Family meetings!” I had been trumpeting. But all the kids heard was the word meeting: those mysterious outings that take Mom or Dad away, involve who knows what, and produce no obvious reward upon our return.

After my husband and I finally got the kids seated and reeled in with a treat, we explained what we hoped would be accomplished at a family meeting: to discuss issues like who is leaving snacks in the TV room, what big events are coming up, and what life events need some clarification.

Above and beyond the practical value of sitting down as a family to communicate, we hoped our family meetings would model for the kids the way people maneuver with each other to feel cohesive and successful as a unit.

That first meeting was held 10 years ago and when I look back on all of our meetings I recall a whole lot of talking and compromising. Opposing views were shared and problems discussed. At times there has been lively debate and frustration. Not every moment feels good as we work through the challenges we are handed as a family. And as the kids have grown older — and school, sports, and hobbies have scattered us — we now hold our meetings with little formality and fanfare whenever and wherever we can.

The venues have been diverse. Some were held in the car as we traveled. Some at the local Starbucks. Some as we picked up mussels off the beach, gathered shaggy mane mushrooms, pulled weeds in the garden, or canned strawberry jam. Whatever the occasion, it has always been our goal to find ways to bring cohesiveness to a family made up of strong, independent players. Whether we’re text messaging or instant messaging, cooking or cleaning, watching movies or walking the beach, my husband and I have hauled the kids along and brought earnest conversation into the occasion to remind them that we are a family: a group of individuals whom God has placed in each other’s lives with good reason. You must spend time together and talk to make it work.

It has also been our intention that the kids come to understand the logistical challenges parents face as we plan, in their presence, who goes where, what preparations need to be made, and why. How things are paid for. Why hard work, follow through, mutual consideration, and patience are worthy endeavors.

Most of us, after a long day, flee from the thought of another meeting. But providing a forum for the family to talk (or debate!) in freedom is worth the effort. It reminds us that there is rhyme and reason to family life. That sacrifice is frequently part of the process. That diversity makes life interesting.

Getting together can be fun. You can share a story from your experiences. You can offer a shoulder or hug each other when needed. You can incorporate a homework assignment, a prayer, a walk, and a snack if the fancy strikes you.

Best of all, family meetings allow you to look at each other and be reminded that you are honoring God’s choice to put you together. Looking my son in the eye for a few minutes last week required that I slow down, listen, and then notice something significant: he’s grown a half an inch in the last four months.

How sweet it is.