Bureaucracy: Writer feels much safer now

Published 4:00 pm Saturday, August 31, 2002

I would like to thank the National Fire Protection Board (NFPA) for their concern over my safety. I just traded in the last of my propane tanks for the new style and already I feel better. I sleep better, my appetite has returned and I think my dandruff is improved because I have been saved from a flaming, screaming, painful death.

Even though this mandated un-legislated tax cost me close to $200, knowing I have tanks with a valve guaranteed to have a higher failure rate is comforting. I would have wasted the money on foolishness, like food or electricity.

Having all these bureaucracies watch over me makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I really appreciate the police enforcing the seat belt law instead of dealing with murderers, rapists, or terrorists, HEW creating the mind-boggling expensive ($ billions) HIPAA (Health Information Portability and Accounting Act) instead of straightening out the healthcare mess, the FCC requiring all cell phones to have a GPS/E911 tracking system ($ billions) instead of fixing cell phones so they work reliably, the DOT requiring a switch to shut OFF airbags after they required cars to have airbags ($ millions), the SEC requiring all financial houses to revamp their privacy policies ($ millions) instead of keeping track of trivialities like Enron or WorldCom, these and so many more deemed “good for me.”

I feel fortunate to have these folks caring for my welfare especially since I no longer have to take responsibility for anything except paying the bill. There is nothing quite as dangerous as a single- minded do-gooder.

Rick Kiser

Oak Harbor