Editor's column: More Q&A about the economic crisis
March 24, 2009 · 2:25 PM
It's time for more questions and answers about our unfolding economic crisis.
Q: I'm impressed that the House passed a 90 percent tax on people who drive huge enterprises to the brink of bankruptcy, spend trillions of taxpayer dollars, and yet award themselves with taxpayer-funded pay and perks unimaginable to the common man. How is this bill progressing through Congress?
A: It stalled in the Senate when they realized that by this standard, everyone in Congress would be taxed 90 percent.
Q: I've noticed that although the government let banking and insurance businesses get too big to fail, mergers and acquisitions are now occurring at a record pace. What's the hurry?
A: Everyone wants to get too big to fail and qualify for trillions in federal aid.
Q: Can you give an example of a business that would be too big to fail?
A: The big drug companies hope to bring the makers of Viagra and Cialis under one roof, assuring that Congress will never let them down.
Q: The Obama administration wants private companies to buy all the toxic assets out there, with the guarantee that the government won't let them lose money. Will this work?
A: If you can't trust the U.S. government, who can you trust? By the way, they've got some nice toxic assets in Florida you might be interested in ...
Q: I'm trying to get a home loan but the bank won't take my word that I'm making $10,000 a month in my knuckle massage business. Isn't that discrimination?
A: Yes, bankers are now discriminating against low-income liars. Congress, are you listening?
Q: A woman in Oak Harbor stole some stuff at Wal-Mart, hid it in a baby buggy, and got 30-days in jail. How come the thieves on Wall Street get away with stealing trillions?
A: They hide their loot in a baby buggy in Switzerland.
Q: Olympia is now facing a $9 billion deficit. How does one get a handle on such a huge number?
A: Imagine all the zeroes in the Legislature, and you're getting close.
Q: Economists are predicting multi-trillion dollar federal deficits as far as the eye can see. What will Congress do about this?
A: They're ordering 300 million pair of Groucho glasses from China, so Americans won't be able to see so far.
Q: Drug-related kidnapping and murders are spilling over from Mexico into the U.S. What's the deal?
A: There isn't enough opportunity in Mexico for all those who want to make money through crime, that's why they're coming to America.
Q: How's this all going to end?
A: We'll build a toll-wall, and charge people to dig tunnels to the land of opportunity. Before long we'll all be sitting pretty on our toxic assets.