Opinion

EDITOR'S COLUMN

It is only a matter of time until an American entrepreneur comes up with a can’t-miss business idea: All Nude Airlines.

What better answer to the problems that presently plague the travel industry than an airline that’s all nude, all the time? All Nude will not only reject any passenger wearing even a single item of clothing, but will also take no luggage. With nude patrons and no luggage, chances of there being a bomb or weapon on board would be nonexistent. The luggage bays can be turned into hot tub space for the all-nude passengers to frolic in, or perhaps an all-nude shuffleboard recreational area. Patrons will enter and exit the plane as naked and innocent as the day they were born. As they say in Syria, “A nude terrorist never hurt anybody.”

Certainly, the nudity will take a little getting use to. But the peace of mind it provides will overcome initial hesitancy. Imagine not having to worry about what your fellow passengers may be harboring in their clothing. There will be no mines in the Nikes; no shrapnel in the socks; no nitro in the knickers; no bazookas in the brassieres; in short, no havoc in the haberdashery.

All-Nude Airlines need not pay for human behavior studies to conclude that nude is nice. Has there every been a crime reported at a nudist colony? What’s there to steal, other than a glance? Fisticuffs are unheard of, because the participants would have to raise their hands.

Boarding a plane with all passengers in the nude would be a snap. Metal detectors would lose their purpose in life. Bomb-sniffing dogs would doze all day. Strip searches would be redundant. Even off-duty dentists hired for cavity searches would finish their work in seconds.

Then, all the nudes would take their seats, attended by an all-nude crew, to make sure terrorists don’t grab someone’s uniform. As the new airline’s motto states, “All Nudes is Good Nudes.”

Upon arrival at their destination, the happy nudists would be bused to Wal-Mart to purchase clothing and personal items at discount prices, thereby improving the economy with their spending.

Safe, pleasant flights capped by an economy-boosting shopping trip. How could All Nude Airlines possible fail?

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