Opinion

Editor's Column: Dr. Goodorbad judges bills

The Legislature passes so many bills that few people even know about them, let alone have the time to decide if they’re good or bad. Fortunately, Dr. Goodorbad visited Whidbey Island this week to fill us in on the more important new laws and tell us if they’re good or bad. We can trust Dr. Goodorbad to do our thinking for us.

Cell phone car ban: BAD. This bill doesn’t go far enough. Talking is the distraction, not the plastic device in your hand. Clickit or ticket. Shut up or put up. Don’t let the State Patrol see any lips flapping in the back seat.

Domestic partnerships approved: BAD. This will simply produce another class of lawyers to profit from partnership dissolutions that will inevitably occur down the road. Dissolution lawyers will give divorce lawyers a good name. Even worse, expect a Tammy Wynette impersonator to make a hit out of, “Our D-I-S-S-O-L-U-T-I-O-N becomes final today...”

Reporter shield law passes: Good. Now newspaper reporters are like doctors and lawyers: Tell us anything and we can keep it a secret. Tell us today, $300 an hour, VISA or Mastercard accepted.

Schools must teach sex ed, not just abstinence: GOOD. It is common knowledge that abstinence is impractical outside the bonds of holy matrimony, and even then it can take several years to kick in.

College OK for Snohomish, Island counties: GOOD. Island kids need a handy four-year college. Forget Everett, build it in San de Fuca. Call the basketball team the San de Fuca Straits.

Mandatory family leave: BAD. Parents of harmless newborns get paid leave, which is a waste. Parents of teenagers are the ones who need a break at public expense.

Ferry line cutting illegal: GOOD. Now Whidbey Islanders can stop packing heat on their trips to the mainland, and there won’t be so many bodies littering the ferry dock roadsides.

Office of Farmland Preservation established: GOOD, and don’t be surprised if it’s built on some prime Skagit Valley farmland.

Climate Change Committee Created: BAD, we don’t need any more hot air.

Department of Puget Sound Cleanup created: BAD. Decades ago smokestacks surrounded Puget Sound, raw sewage flowed into Puget Sound, and it teemed with salmon. Obviously, we need to make it dirtier for the sake of the fish.

Rainy Day Fund established: BAD. In this state, we’ll go broke if the Legislature can spend money on rainy days. If this was Arizona, they’d establish a Dry Day Fund.

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