Langley Mayor Tim Callison announced plans this week to charge newspaper reporters for the use of chairs at council meetings.

The $5 fee will cover the city’s cost of furnishing the “sitting devices” for reporters, Callison said. Langley residents will not be charged for chair usage, he said, as long as they can produce a city utility bill to prove they actually live in city limits.

The mayor defended his proposal, saying that not charging a reporter for sitting while listening to council meetings would be an illegal gift of public funds. He pointed out that buttocks, particularly those of the news media, cause a lot of wear and tear on furniture.

“Reporters are welcome to stand for free,” he said. “They can even lean against a wall and are free to slouch, but sitting on the floor is strictly forbidden.”

Callison said he’s considering a reduced fee for stool usage. Council members created a special committee to analyze a proposal to purchase bean bag chairs that can be rented out to audience members.

The city’s police chief will be charged with policing chairs.

April Fools!