Learn your gifts and serve God

I am the mother of two teenaged daughters and a preteen son, and I recall feeling rather smug as I entered this season of life several years ago. I assumed I had it nailed because I enjoyed my teen years and I contained a positive outlook. I also liked how my parents interacted with me and my friends. Therefore, I would dive in with enthusiasm and handle the teenage years much like my parents did: Our home would be open and available to our kids’ friends. I would buy extra food and expect to feed those who happened to show up during mealtime. I would taxi kids about town and volunteer when chaperones or event planners were requested.

The enormous satisfaction I have experienced has counterbalanced the challenges — which have included spending mega amounts of money on food, driving late at night when all I really want to do is sleep, and attempting to keep an orderly house when we are busy and rarely home to contribute to its upkeep. I have chosen to sacrifice huge amounts of personal time to be the kind of mother I envisioned, so there is no complaint being lodged here. But if truth be told, I really had no clue how much time and energy, juggling and scheduling it would take to team with other adults to organize events, help kids with their educational and extra-curricular projects, or simply respond in healthy ways to some of life’s toughest situations.

When I encouraged personal expression and modest amounts of independence during their early years, little did I know that I would reap what I sowed with my children today. I daily remind myself that I must change the ways I guide my kids and slowly let go, all at a reasonable pace. As their personalities solidify and their choices begin to demonstrate maturity, I am seeing children emerge who are wired differently from me. Yet here is the kicker: They must maneuver in a world vastly different than the one in which I spent my teen years. How do I connect with them when my teen experiences were so different than theirs?

How often have I cried out to my ever-present Lord, How can I be wise and supportive when I have few personal experiences to guide me on this one? To be honest, parenting is every day, and in every way, a mixed bag of wonderful and challenging moments. There have been many laughs and many tears. I have felt blessed at moments, cursed at others.

But of all the experiences I have faced as the parent of teens, the one I did not anticipate is the amount of self-reflection that events prompt in me. I did not realize I would need to dig so deep to understand the dynamics of living with near-adult children and finding ways to respond with grace and strength. Neither did I realize that by opening my home and spending great amounts of time with my girls and their friends, I would have to reveal much of my private life and be forced to face the REAL ME.

It is more than I had planned. And yet, I believe that when you live a faith-filled life, God moves into your inner core with good reason. He desires that you better understand yourself — why He made you and how He wants you to contribute to your world. Author Rick Warren says God shapes you for His purposes. What a comfort this is when you face the tough parts of parenting or life in general: You’re gifted for the task even though you may not believe it at the time.

To understand your unique “shape” you will want to begin by identifying those special abilities God gives you. Tapping into these gifts will enable you to extend His love to others and accomplish more — expanding your borders of positive influence, so to speak.

But to identify your gifts also means you must understand the nature of these rules. Your gifts are no better than those of others. Likewise, you will not receive all the gifts possible. Nobody will. And God’s gifts are meant to be given away; you will be empowered, but benefit of your gifts is to go to others. When we unite with others to blend our gifts for a useful purpose, the blessings really begin to happen. When we understand our gifts, we will begin to understand how we are to serve.

The kids who walk through my door can depend on me to employ my gifts. I am highly predictable, which frustrates even me at moments when I want to be spontaneous and hip and funny. But I cannot help myself or so my kids and their friends tell me.

It is one of several things I’m learning about my shape. More next week!

Freelance writer Joan Bay Klope’s e-mail address is

jbklope@hotmail.com.

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