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In one of the biggest organized crime busts since Prohibition, Oak Harbor’s shadowy Dutch Mafia was taken down in a hail of old Kleenex and stale coffee Monday night. A task force made up of Oak Harbor police, Island County Sheriff’s deputies and disgruntled Irishmen brought down the hammer after years of undercover investigation in the city’s seedy tulip district.
Legitimizing dozens of UFO sightings over the years, an alien aircraft landed at the Navy’s Outlying Field in Coupeville late Monday night. Some Whidbey residents have long insisted that UFOs have been visible in the night sky.
While rumors have swirled nationwide for years, it has been confirmed that Elvis Presley lives in Coupeville. Previously thought to have died from a drug overdose in his Graceland home in Memphis, the King of Rock and Roll is, indeed, alive and well. Presley currently makes his residence in a small submarine under the Coupeville Wharf, according to multiple sources.
Well-known “rino” Commissioner Jill Johnson has finally switched parties and become a Democrat. While some were surprised by the move, others said the change was long in coming. “Duh,” said Jason McFadyen, president of the Oak Harbor Chamber of Commerce and an infamous Democrat.
Paul Allen’s billions may lead to millions for Whidbey Island. Allen, owner of the Seattle Seahawks, has decided to build a NASCAR track on Whidbey Island. Trey Dinpahndt, associate director of operations for NASCAR, confirmed the report.